Au22


Universal Translation

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Building & Burning Bridges/Friends or Fry-Ends?

Peace...

I come in a current today that has me @ odds with myself...

2*, 1-36 I came to the wilderness of North America by myself.

People come & go in my life so much, that I've come to expect it. Sad, no, True, yes. Just is what it is. I no longer have as hard a time with it as I used to. It has allowed me to over time be more in tune with myself, what I really want out of life, my dreams, wishes, ambitions, etc., and to work on them with no distractions. I find that quality time by myself, actually sharpens me. Gives me time to battle myself, or should I say the potential for devil within self, and that's easier to do when there's not another person battling their devils in the room with you, thinking it's you that they are at war with...Having said all that, no man is an island...

Again though, I'm @ odds with myself, mainly because of some thoughts I've been going over with self. Born from that were some recent events that I created over the last few years, that are coming back to bite/sting me. It involves friends that I have, and made me look at Word being Bond in a new light...

One friend, it was an obligation that we both had given our word on. I love this friend and refuse to let $ come between us, but it was the broken word that bothers me the most. The situation put a setback on an issue I had recently rectified, so now I have that very same mountain to climb again. I found myself waking up a few mornings ago mad as hell, and sent a barrage of texts to them, to let them know how I felt about it. took a few days, but I have since forgiven them, and we're working to fix it, but it lead me to question myself...Was I being naive to simply have trust in some one?. To begin with, experience has taught me not to trust openly, wearing your heart on your sleeve is asking for trouble. I helped this person out about a year ago when they needed me to (after considerable thought), and it led to the issue we have today. Again, it's on the way to being fixed, but damn...

Another situation was me needing help from another "friend" that I have helped numerous times, when they needed me. A simple 10 minute ride to work is all I asked, my engine cracked a couple of weeks ago. When it came down to it though, I was calmly deferred to another person for the very same help that I had given to this person on many occasions. It's not that I "expected" for this person to help me, it's the fact that I KNOW for a fact that I have done and would continue to do the same for them when & if they needed it. AND, the fact that this person was more than able to help me out. Where's the Love?

That fucks it up for other people, as far as trusting them, but should it?

I'm a proud man, and am reluctant to ask for help when I think I need it. I'm also loyal as a friend (Love, Life, and Loyalty were 3 principles I learned to stand for as a youth), and will go through Hell with a smile, for a person that I consider close to me if need be. There was a time when I didn't care about anyone who was an adult, and I guess I'm making up for it. Things like this leave a bitter taste though. It's leading me back to the "born alone, die alone" mentality I once had (selfishness). This writing is a bit of therapy for me, to get this off my chest and stop mulling over it. But, I also know what else I gotta do...Burn some bridges...not necessarily with the 2 people mentioned above, but with anyone who I can't share Equality/True Friendship with...

Some bridges, it's wise to burn them, you don't want to end up falling in the waters trying to walk on some rickety ass bridge with no foundation. Some Bridges, I keep healthy, even though they may have a bit of dust on them, they are well kept, because once again, loyalty is important to me. Any bridge though where the traffic is one way, they gotta go.

I've worked hard on myself to repair the trust issues I've accumulated along the way. I do my best to keep my word bond when I give it, and I guess that I expect since I do so, that others should also. Is that too much to ask?

While I don't ask for help when I can do something for self, I do ask that the people around me share the same standards that I uphold for myself, and I respect others' domain when I'm in it. So it bothers me that people don't realize the impact that they have on others by not showing the same respect, and cross lines that shouldn't be crossed. Maybe I expect too much, I don't know?

The above are just 2 examples of what I go through, being around people who are unalike me in thought and action, & I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Opposites attract, true in-deed, yet alike (minds) attract also, and the rarity of alike minds where I am bugs the fuck outta me. Yeah, some might say "teach them", well, i can't make the blind to see, the deaf to hear, or the dumb to speak if they are too scared to do either...Grown people are stuck in their ways, so I focus on the open-minded youth, so they won't be like the
stupefied adults around them...

I have high standards, and to not "compromise" them in some way, or at least to show Understanding towards others, would lead to a very lonely life. Like I said, no man is an island, but my own island is starting to sound damn good right about now...

8 comments:

  1. peace allah,
    been there, done that.
    i know how it feels....excellent blog.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Give not to receive and no expectations is all good, right? Until there is a need that's not met! I can feel you on this! All relationships are supposed to be investments. A return on an investment is not an unfair expectation.
    As a wise man, I am sure you have surrounded yourself with people at some time you judged as a positive addition. Doesn't mean that they maintain their good standing, ya know?
    Definitely a time for reevaluation may be necessary. Some people aint gonna make the team. Unfortunately for them. Cuz it sounds like you maintain as you should. So removing yourself will probably be noticed, especially since you have upheld a higher standard of friendship.
    As they say..when someone shows you who they are believe them.

    oh and no need to be on an island by yourself lol holla!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Peace, & thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this, not that I didn't Know, it's good to hear it from others though...It is what it is, I guess, I'm still fighting that mean streak I'm known for though...PS, the 2nd one had the nerve to snitch me out y'day on some job BS, Like I didn't know it was her...Ain't that som ish?

    PSS...I though that island thing over too, I'd be too bored :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Peace Lord,

    Excellent...and know you are not alone, I think those who do cee shyt for what it is end up the ones with the crushed feelings....real recognizes real a wise god just told me:) and apparently they were not real....

    Peace

    ReplyDelete

Knowledge of Self: A Collection of Wisdom on the Science of Everything in Life

Knowledge of Self: A Collection of Wisdom on the Science of Everything in Life
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