Thangs done changed on this side...

Peace...

Just wanted to post some random thoughts today...

Digging deep into my subconsious mind took me back to a time when everything seemed fine...I was about 9 or so, I can recall how I was shining brighter than my peers...hadn't been around that many years, but the older folks swore I'd been here before...the whole world I wanted to explore, & there was this half Mexican/half Black girl in my grade 4 who I adored more than I could contain or explain...the power of persuasion was in my hand, and Hip-Hop was taking a stand...'87, that was my favorite shit God, it was Heaven, I wish I could blog back then...but shit changed when I was 10, I discovered that I had been a public school experiment...they shipped me to a gifted and talented school, because my elementary was being run by fools, they had no idea what to do with me & my brilliance...had to start over & make new friends again, never seen so many white people before, I felt like a damn alien to the core...Got hooked on phonics & dropped all my ebonics...My A grades from before was just Bs & Cs there, had to play the role of a square for me & my nappy ass hair to fit in..."Who the fuck am I kiddin", I would think to my self, "my ghetto ass don't belong in this place", seemed like a waste of my time...All this damn homework, & talk about politics, man I'm just starting to grow hair on my dick, I don't wanna hear this shit!...It's too damn cold outside to be waiting on this long ass bus ride, all because my teachers decided I was too much for them & their remedial books...Taking a look back though, that experience allowed me to grow, & to be more Universal...It was a blessing that I saw as a curse, but but but wait it gets worse!!!!

Fast-forward to 6th grade, my ma still couldn't afford to send me to the shop for a fade, so a lot of hate & rage had built up...these crackers telling me what I can be, what they lacked was the ability to see where I was from...the land of Man made blind deaf & dumb, you might call it the hood, but I called it the woods, the hunting grounds, where you can get shot down for nuthin more then the Jordans on your feet, or that black 8-Ball jacket on your back...them Chi-Town niggas didn't play when they moved around my way...Going home to that, how was I to believe that I could acheive a degree, let alone 3?...all the while being hated on by adults for my compulsion to be more than just another pulse...what's wack was even my mama was jealous maybe, & hated on me for being me...nah, in fact, I'm sure of that..."Ain't nobody told you to go to school & be so damn smart"...hearing shit like that is guaranteed to break a child's heart...From that day forward I saw my self as a Man, who the fuck needs a father & why bother to stand for some grand idea that can't be real...Life was a bitch, so fuck her, imma deal with it...& 10 years later I REALLY didn't give a shit...

By then I had dropped outta college, thought I was DMX in Belly, "Fuck Knowledge!"...To others I mighta been The Shit, but to myself, I truly believed wasn't shit, just like they told me when I was a kid...suicide crossed my mind by the time I was 21 ...beleve it or not, like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon 1, kept a bullet specially for myself, all i needed was the right gun...an atheist with the shakiest faith, liquored down weeded up, needing & wanting nuthin more than a safe with a couple million bucks, willing in my mind to buck at anybody who tested me, they'd just be S.O.L.ely Shit Outta Luck, cause I wasn't the one to give a fuck, that's what was up...my nephews & niece really saved my life, it was for them that I kept up the fight against my weaker self...& there was some words that I had heard before that stuck in my head, that there IS a chance for the mentally dead...couldn't remember for the life of me who said it, but I couldn't shut it up or dead it, no matter how much I tried...

Then the Oracle came along, saying "Know thyself", & in the back of my mind on some top shelf, I knew I was wrong for tempting death...Wasn't long before I started to clean up my act, the death wish disappeared, & I had the wind at my back...After a while met some Brothers who had the same style as me, soaked up the game in Allah's Name, & since then I haven't been the same...I know who I Am, & that I AM THAT I AM, & really couldn't give a damn who thinks otherwise...Verily this is my Therapy...until you can see the world through my 3 Eyes, uh unh You Can't Tell Me Nuthin', I'm the only one who's been with me my whole Life, end of discussion...

Like I've said before in a previous post, I don't like to put my personal life out in the public, but if anybody can learn from this, than it's worth it...the most important part of the above, PLEASE be careful what you tell a child, they will NEVER forget it!!!!

Peace...
Allah Universal

p.s. I hold no grudges for my history, I just keep Building, ain't no mystery...

(idea born on February 25, 2008)